Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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