I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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