i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
did i just pee glitter
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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