my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
