We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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