dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
