What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
