he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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