nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and she was petting her beer can
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
