So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
