The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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