I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
