then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
