If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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