Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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