So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Quick, to the slutcave!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
