She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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