I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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