Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
