Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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