I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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