Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My bed smells like the plague
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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