He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
