I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
