Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
