Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
