Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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