she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
