She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
