wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
