you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
