My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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