Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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