there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
