Nicole vs. Life
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I fill condoms, not promises.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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