This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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