i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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