i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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