I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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