I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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