just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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