I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
