I need to stop coming to work sober
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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