You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize