Me too!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
