I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So many bounce houses so little time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
