there was a trapeze. enough said
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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