he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
