Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
