Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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