**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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