walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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