I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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