Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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