the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
