Me. At least after what I've been through.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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