The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
