Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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