I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
