I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
