So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
