When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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