I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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