i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
