Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
