I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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