It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
